First Day Free of “Old Debt”

I have accumulated several thousands of dollars in debt, at least twice in my life.

From as far back as I can remember, both of my parents have struggled with money and over-spending. One parent openly was horrible at saving — gambling, drugs, alcohol, and even had “contracts” with loan sharks. Where the other seemed to appear to be a saver, but in reality was just as bad with money. To the point where I would have to give or loan money to cover their shortfalls.

As soon as I found my husband and discovered what a supportive relationship was like, and with encouragement from my therapist, I stopped enabling this destructive behavior. In the end, that parent started went to my sibling for financial support, and has continued this route even to this day, almost 10 years later.

I have accumulated several thousands of dollars in debt, at least twice in my life. The first time, by being with an abusive ex-boyfriend who was also terrible with money and relied on his well-to-do parents to bail him out of everything. I stupidly became an authorized user on his credit cards to help him with his bills, and when he defaulted, it affected my credit and my bank account.

I can’t blame him entirely, it was my fault for making horrible decisions. To escape the abusive and controlling relationship I was too afraid to leave, I would go shopping with the parent who, in passing, helped me spend $200-$500 a weekend on useless items I did not need.

By the time I met my new boyfriend, now husband, I had over $50,000 in credit cards and a car loan debt. Other things happened in my life that contributed to this, but it’s a long story.

To help me recover from my debt, we moved to a smaller place with less amenities, which was a struggle (no parking, no kitchen, you get the idea). He then taught me how to triage my credit card bills, to pay the ones with the highest interest and lowest balances first, and consolidate the loans as time went on.

Within two years I was able to pay all of my debt and have the wedding of our dreams.

Although I was making more money, it did not help that my habits stayed the same. My spending on frivolous items, clothes, makeup, lash extensions, pedicures, manicures, eating out, was a constant staple in my life and I found my health and bank account began to decline.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have some positive money experiences that occurred, at this time we also just closed on our first home.

Unfortunately, I got a strange and embarrassing medical condition that prohibited me from being able to work around people. I lost several jobs, and was unemployed for a few months. I received some unemployment, but it did not cover all of our monthly bills. The timing was not the best as my husband was working part-time and in school, all while caregiving for his elderly parents who had serious health conditions.

This was the start of the second time I went into debt, not counting our mortgage. I racked up another $25,000 during this period in credit card debt alone and had no savings.

After a few months, I thankfully found another job, more supportive as far as flexibility due to my health, but a drastic pay cut to what I was accustomed to earning.

Thankfully, today is the first day I am totally free of “old debt”!

It took me almost four years to pay the debt off the second time around. It was different because we had a mortgage and I became a mom, but I did it. I should say, my husband and I did it, because he contributed several thousands of his own savings to help me reach this goal.

I share this because I hope my experience helps to remind my fellow excessive spenders and saving-challenged to be conscientious of their spending as best they can.

When my son is older, I plan to teach him the following I have learned. Please note, I am in no way a financial advisor or expert, this is just what I plan to do with my family from my own experience. We will teach him:

  1. The value of saving his gift-money. Whether it be via a piggy-bank, taking him physically to bank to show him how to deposit, or online.
  2. The value of having a ledger and tracking your savings and spending.
  3. When he starts a job, to automatically save at least 10%, then pay bills and have fun.
  4. When he wants something, like a new PlayStation or bike, he is going to purchase half of it with the money he has saved. My husband and I will pay the other half until he gets his own part-time job in high school. Then he will need to pay or save for his goal item all on his own.
  5. The value of stocks and crypto.
  6. The value of investments in real estate.
  7. The value of starting a retirement account.
  8. The value of passive income, residual and generational wealth.
  9. The value of saying “no” to himself and others, and to be okay with it, because you can’t help anyone, unless you help yourself first.

What he won’t know ~ we plan to do the following to help him have a head start:

  1. We plan to open a credit card and make consistent purchases and payments (in full), even though he is just a toddler. This is so he can have a long standing history of good credit, even before he starts his own job.
  2. The money he gives us to pay for half of his “goal items” will be saved. When he graduates college, we will give him the lump sum to help with a down payment for his new home.

These are fluid lists, but it is basically what we plan to do so he won’t make the same mistakes we did. It also serves as a reminder of how far I’ve come, and how much I have learned and still need to learn. A blueprint of our family’s financial goals, because I plan to only have abundance from now on. And I wish the same for you. Aloha.

Young Adult Novels I’ve Been Liking

Every now and then I crave a feel-good Young Adult (YA) novel. Even as I am nearing my 40s I can still get lost in a good “first love” story.

Don’t get me wrong I read, well actually listen to books, as I have an Audible subscription, my fair share of self-help books, or “Adult” novels like the Dune Series. However, I sometimes am just pulled to the sweet stories of teenage angst and its eventual happily ever after.

Side note, this is not a sponsored post, but I love Audible. As a parent, it somehow makes mundane tasks such as driving, laundry, cooking, just a little bit easier. And depending on the narrator, it is so easy to imagine you are the protagonist in each teenage world.

At first I was embarrassed to admit this, especially to my inner circles. My husband loves reading non-fiction instructional books on martial arts, massage therapy, anything that will feed his brain. My colleague always has her head in a book regarding work related issues and how to improve them. As for me, I can barely make it through a self help book.

But a novel, a YA novel, I can read/listen to a book in one sitting or in one night!

I spoke to my spiritual healer about this itch to read YA now and then, and she said that I should never shame myself and the instincts that pulls me to this genre. She advised that it just means that there is a piece of me that is seeking it, to fill a missing part of my heart and soul.

Honestly, I think it’s because I didn’t have a good childhood. My father was abusive, which shot my confidence, and then I was in an abusive relationship from my late teens to my mid 20s, which did not help my self worth either.

However, I know if it wasn’t for these experiences I would not appreciate the wonderful life I have now with my husband and son. (As I type this my husband is feeding my two year old son and because I’m not eating, my son takes a piece of his food and feeds me too. And when he does, he has a huge smile on his face…ugh my heart.)

So when I get into my YA phases I really immerse myself into them. For some reason this past month I have “read/listened” to these four books and I felt every excitement, anticipation, every heart flutter, and butterflies it encompassed. My inner child squealed with delight and although I know it will be a happy ending, I can’t wait until it is revealed.

I thought I’d share these YA novels with anyone else who’s inner child is yearning for a love pick-me-up:

1. “The Summer I Turned Pretty” by Jenny Han

It’s actually being adapted into an Amazon Prime series and is being filmed right now. But after the “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before…” trilogy I was in the mood for another one, especially from this author.

It’s about two best friends from childhood who summer at a beach house, every year even after their own children are well into their teens. The main character is Belly, who has been in love with Conrad since she was in grade school, but who always considered her as a “little sister.” Until one summer she grows up, and both he and his little brother Jeremiah notice.

It’s so sweet and endearing and I hope you love it as much as me!

It continues with:

2. “It’s Not Summer Without You” and

3. “We‘ll Always Have Summer”

4. “Tell Me Three Things” by Julie Buxbaum

Now this is the one I stayed up all night to finish at 6:30 am in the morning this weekend. I know, I know, but it’s a Saturday and my husband offered to watch my son, so why not?

It’s about a 16-year-old girl named Jessie who has to move from Chicago to LA after her Dad meets a women in his bereavement group and marries her after his wife passes away. Her step-mom is well-to-do and has a son who is the same age as her, but also not happy about the new situation.

Jessie is forced into a new private high school where her own step brother ignores her, and majority of her peers are wealthy .

Jessie adjusts to her new school as an anonymous stranger emails her and gives advice on how to assimilate into her new unfamiliar surroundings. At first it starts off as just a friendly stranger, but then he begins to be more.

The book is a lovely mini-mystery where you enjoy trying to guess who her email pen-pal truly is. It kind of reminded me of “You’ve Got Mail” with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, and left me smiling and day-dreamy.

Let’s face it we all need days like this to recharge our inner teenagers. I hope these make your heart smile just as much as they did mine. Aloha!

I always cry reading “Love You Forever”…

Have you read “Love You Forever” by Robert Munsch? I’m sure you have, it’s an absolute classic. It’s a sweet children’s book about a mother who sings a sweet lullaby to her son every night on how she will love him forever from birth until he’s a grown man. Even when he drives her crazy at every stage. It’s a lovely book.

I don’t know why, but ever since I became a mom, I can’t read this book without crying.

My son is now two and a half, and always pulls this book off of the shelf as one of his requested bedtime reads. And without fail, by the end of the book my eyes are red, and I am tearing.

It just reminds me of how quickly the years have past. I remember like it was yesterday finding out that I was pregnant, watching him crawl, say “Mom” for the first time, the excitement on his face when he learned to walk on his own, how proud he was when he recognized “M” for “McDonalds” as we were in the drive through, how he realized the best way to ask for hugs is holding his arms out while flapping his fingers…

In no time there will be new accomplishments and discoveries especially when he starts preschool, but I’m not ready. And this book is a bittersweet reminder to me of how fast time flies, how I must cherish every single moment I have with my little one (As I write this, my son is balling because he wants my attention…sigh).

My husband always gives me a teasing chuckle whenever I leave my son after story time – eyes watering, nose running, with a tissue or baby wipe in my hand after reading this book.

Parents, please tell me I’m not the only one – do you also cry every time you read “Love You Forever”?

Appreciate the little things

“Yyeeeaaahh!!!” exclaimed my son when asked if he wanted to go to the park today. Now that Hawaiʻi offers the Covid-19 vaccines to all over the age of twelve, life has begun to feel a little more “normal” in the islands. We plan to still exercise caution, but decided to take our two-year-old son to more of his favorite spots. The local park is definitely his number one choice.

When we pulled into the parking stall he was so excited he lifted his arms up and started his gibberish toddler talk: “Yeeeaaahh! Weee! Ooohhh!” And then tried to unbuckle himself from his car seat, fingers desperately fumbling to free himself from the straps.

After we put his slippers on and walked into the park, he immediately did a sprint straight through the green field laughing and giggling as much as his tiny feet and legs would allow him. At the center of the field he tripped and landed flat on his stomach as if sliding into home plate at a baseball game. At first we thought he was going to cry, instead he began to laugh and roll around in the grass, while throwing a few blades of grass into the air, which looked like confetti.

As my husband and I approached him, he gave a huge smile, got up and started to run, encouraging us to chase him. At that moment, I thought, “how lucky I am to spend a carefree day with my family, especially on a Monday.” Any other week, it would have been the grueling start to the work week. Thankful to be employed, but at the same time, anxiously awaiting the weekend.

I then reflected on the meaning of this Monday, Memorial Day, and how indebted we are to all of the fallen military service members who sacrificed their lives, so we could enjoy ours. How just being able to make a choice to go to the park with my family, is a gift in and of itself.

It reminded me of my two late Grandfathers, veterans from World War II and the Korean War, and how their choices have made it possible for me to be a mother and a wife in a beautiful place like Hawaiʻi.

At this thought, my son ran straight into me and gave me a huge hug, held my hand and started to pull me towards one of his favorites, the playground. I smiled, gave him a hug and told him, “let’s run!”

After a fun-filled day at the park, as soon as we returned home and got my son all settled, on his own, he grabbed his “blankey” and went straight to bed for his afternoon nap. Normally this can a be struggle because he wants to keep playing, but today he was completely content and happy. Before I left the room, he reached for my hand and smiled before he closed his eyes. It melted my heart and reminded me of why I wanted to become his mom in the first place.

It may not have been an extravagant trip to the zoo or the beach, but it was perfect because it was exactly what we all needed, quality time. Hope this will be a reminder to you to appreciate the little things, especially on this big holiday. Aloha 🌺

I almost lost my two-year-old son…

It was the most frightening thing I have ever experienced.

I almost lost my two year old son. Before I go into the details, I just want to clarify that my son is in perfect health, and is a happy, playful toddler. Just as kolohe (rascal in Hawaiian) as always. He’s currently giggling and rolling on the floor with his Dad right now. All is good.

The day it happened started out as a perfect day. It was a weekend and my husband, son, and I had a wonderful family day. We went to the park, stopped by our favorite lunch spot, and decided to get dessert on the way home.

I don’t want to go into too much details, but after getting the dessert we were all enjoying the sweet treat. However, after a couple bites my son started to choke on a piece of food!

It was the most frightening thing I have ever experienced.

He started to scratch his throat, flailing about and was starting to turn blue! I immediately yelled, “He’s choking!” As soon as this happened I knew I had to get him to my husband as he was trained in CPR.

My husband swiftly got my son in his arms, he flipped him over and began to slap his back six or seven times. I think I held my breathe the entire time. On the last tap, the food fell out of my son’s mouth and onto the ground.

I then took my first breathe and my son immediately started to cry holding onto my husband. He then continued to sob in my arms. I just held him tight silently thanking God for keeping him safe.

After he calmed down, he looked sad like he thought he was in trouble. It broke my heart. I explained to him that it wasn’t his fault, and how Mommy should have known to give him smaller pieces, and that I was so sorry. I began to cry as I held him.

Although only two, I believe he understood me as he immediately looked up, and began to talk, and talk and talk. I felt like it was his way of reassuring his mom and dad that he was okay.

We called his on-call doctor and she could hear him talking up a storm. She confirmed he didn’t have to go to the emergency room, and all was fine.

The next day we took him to his primary care doctor and he said that it was a good thing that my husband new CPR because the ambulance would have taken too long — My son could of had severe brain damage, or worse, he could have died.

For the longest time I felt guilty, like I was a horrible mother. So much so I had to have several therapy sessions just to cope with this experience, to forgive myself. It happened in a matter of a seconds, and to this day, it is still hard to talk about without being emotional.

But today, I am much more comfortable and am sharing this story so other parents may learn from my mistake. To help parents be a little more aware of what is near their children and of how important it is to learn CPR.

I am so grateful to my husband for saving our son’s life. And although he is so young, I believe my son is thankful to his Dad as well. Nowadays, he is more than willing to offer kisses and hugs to his Dada, and claps even more when he comes home from work or errands.

I hope my story reminds you of how important it is to be CPR certified. You never know when you might need to use it. My husband said that in all the years he has known CPR, he never had to use it on anyone. He would have never guessed he would of had to perform the technique on his own son!

I also hope my experience reminds you to cherish your loved ones, hold them close and really be present, because every moment is precious and should never be taken for granted.

If you are interested in taking a CPR class, the American Heart Association is a great resource: https://cpr.heart.org/en

Aloha 🌺

At a Time Like This, Family Walks are a Must

Being present in the moment, is the perfect way to remove yourself from any narrative replaying in your head.

Over the past year, there has been a plethora of changes to the world that has left me in a state of shock and sadness. Besides the battle of the pandemic, it has now unearthed and created prejudices of hate, discrimination and racism.

Last year it was #blacklivesmatter with the unnecessary death of George Floyd. This year, it is the cruel and unnecessary attacks on the Asian-American community. Both have left my heart broken at the naivety, injustices, and misunderstandings. Especially at the lack of compassion and empathy by those who commit these despicable acts.

When I watched the video of George Floyd’s death, I cried uncontrollably for a week. In disbelief of how this could happen, especially in the year 2020…

And now in 2021, I am completely dumbfounded at how the Asian-American community has now been claimed as the designated “Covid-19 scapegoat”.

I have loss family members to Covid-19. I know first hand the consequences of this disease. However, I will never understand the logic of the assaulters who judge people by the color of their skin, and then act violently on it.

Luckily, in Hawaiʻi, we are known to be a “mixing pot” of cultures, who are for the most part, understanding and accepting of all ethnicities. Don’t get me wrong, no where is free of prejudices. The Hawaiʻi culture has several of its own jokes and stereotypes that people associate with a certain ethnicity. However, in Hawaiʻi, the racism towards minorities is not even close to what occurs on the mainland.

Through all of this turmoil, I have found family walks with my son and husband have tremendously helped me refocus my priorities — What truly is important. It helps to build a “Hypothetical Wall” from all of the violence, hate, and assaults depicted on social media and the news.

Being present in the moment, is the perfect way to remove yourself from any narrative replaying in your head. I can’t help but focus my attention on the now, on the things I can control and appreciate.

The following is an example of my thought process on the same day I took this picture: As I walk with my son and husband I am admire how green the trees are as the birds chirp excitedly on a branch. All while the cool trade winds blow through the courtyard rustling the leaves. As my son holds my hand, I notice how tiny they are in mine, as he starts to put pressure on my hand so he can lean back and look at the sky filled with white fluffy clouds. I love how his laughter is so genuine and high pitched when he’s excited, especially as he points to the mountain up ahead, which has turned bright green from the previous weeks’ storm. I live for my husband’s hugs, which are strong and sturdy, and yet comforting and peaceful at the same time. All as we smile gleefully at each other because we love the quality time we have, that is so rarely shared.

On walks like this, I am easily able to forget, even if for a little while, the chaos that is occurring outside our Hawaiian archipelago. I can not control the negativity out in the world, but I can control how much of it I take in and how much I react to. There needs to be boundaries in all aspects of our lives, and it is up to us to keep them in place.

Remember a “Hypothetical Wall” doesn’t necessarily have to be an ethical one, it could be a physical, mental, virtual and even a spiritual one. Just be sure to keep it strong and check on it once in a while. In my opinion the easiest way? By walking. Aloha. #stopasianhate #stopAAPIhate

How it took 2 seconds for my 2-year-old to improve my marriage

After six-months of the pandemic, we were having more “it’s your turn” fights. If you are a parent, you definitely know what I mean: “I watched him, so it’s your turn”, “I cooked, so it’s your turn to clean”, or “I have a meeting, so it’s your turn to babysit” – and so on and so on.

In Hawaiʻi and elsewhere, the coronavirus is about to turn one. It’s hard to believe how all of our lives have turned upside down, and yet we have adapted to this “new normal”. Instead of only having one or two occupations, we have also become teleworkers, hairdressers, mechanics, bakers, teachers, IT technicians, online bankers, therapists, nurses, entertainers, contractors, and much more. Furthermore, if you are a parent or caregiver, multiply all of these extra “jobs” by the amount of individuals under your care. We are super heroes. Seriously, well done us.

However, it IS extremely exhausting. So much so it’s easy to forget to make time for yourself, and especially for your partner.

After six-months of the pandemic, we were having more “it’s your turn” fights. If you are a parent, you definitely know what I mean: “I watched him, so it’s your turn”, “I cooked, so it’s your turn to clean”, or “I have a meeting, so it’s your turn to babysit” – and so on and so on. I found my husband and I were going straight to bed after all our responsibilities, without spending any quality time together. When prior to the pandemic it was a daily ritual for us.

Even when my husband returned home from work or errands, I would barely look up from the computer, and just offer a quick “hey hun”. Then later, our conversations just consisted of: “what’s your schedule tomorrow?” “Did you pay the bill that’s due?” “What do you want to each for lunch?” “Did you call your parents?” “Remember to take so-and-so to the doctor.” — You get the idea.

If I had a moment to think about it, I would go down a worry-spiral of having a broken relationship. Granted, in great part due to this world-wide pandemic, but it still didn’t alleviate the concern resting in the pit of my stomach.

However, it didn’t last very long as my son, work, or life would happen and I would be right back in the grind. And once the grind was over for the day, I would be too tired to put any effort into anything else.

Until one day my husband came home from a Costco errand. Normally, my son would just look up and smile and go back to his favorite show. This time, my son stood up, smiled and started clapping saying, “Yay!” which then made me do the same. My husband was so touched, his stress from running errands, turned into a grateful smile and an appreciation for the warm welcome.

That night instead of talking about the tasks we needed to complete, or plans for the next day, we gushed about our son, and how sweet he was with his greeting. Which led to discussing what we loved about him, each other, our dream vacations post-pandemic, and meaningful conversations that were missing for at least six-months or longer.

And this kept happening every single time my husband came home. And later that night, we would easily discuss our son, his cuteness, and matters that really interested us.

Now, whenever my husband goes out and he returns my son and I will clap, smile and greet him with a “yay!” It’s our daily practice, and I have noticed six-months later how this little gesture has helped to make the world of a difference in creating intimacy between my husband and me. I even do it on my own if my son is taking his nap, which just makes my husband melt.

This may sound funny, but if you want to make someone feel special and loved, follow my son’s technique – smile, clap and say “yay!” whenever they come home. Or, use your own genuine or personal greetings, just remember to do it authentically. It just takes two seconds, but trust me when I say the effects last a lifetime.

Ask yourself this when someone rejects you

Anna Akana

Happy New Year! When I woke up this morning one of the first posts I saw on Instagram was from YouTuber and actress, Anna Akana.

Anna normally posts videos on dating, social awkwardness, her anxiety and life in general. It seems that she mostly shares sage advice she gets from her therapy with her viewers. And I’m all for it.

Today was an awesome “gem” that I wanted to memorialize here, and also to share with others who deal with rejection and recovering from people just not liking you. The video can be found on her Instagram, YouTube, or at the bottom of this post.

I have anxiety and complex PTSD, so I overthink everything, and like Anna’s experience, I too was rejected by being unfollowed on Instagram. However, not by a friend of a friend, but by two family members! Cousins, one by blood and one the wife of a cousin. I also found out within two months of each unfollow.

When it happened, I checked my sister’s page and she was still being followed by both (and she’s also the favorite which has been a struggle for me all my life, but that’s another post for another day). She is also closer to one of them and visits her, which I don’t so that helped a little, but still…

Back to the point – I felt severely rejected and checked all our old conversations and tried to see if anything was said that was mean, and also had two huge therapy session with both of my psychologists about it (yes I have two, one for every day problems and one for trauma work), and I could not come up with any concrete event or statement that would equate their unfollow!

Anna in her session, was told the typical comment, “you know you are not going to be liked by everyone, right?” Which is true but not helpful, but then the “gem” was shared —

“How much can you tolerate being misunderstood?”

Anna Akana‘s therapist

BOOM! 💣 Mic Drop 🎤! That hit home for me because I can not control what people think about me, but I can control how much energy I give to their misconceptions about me.

My whole life I have felt misunderstood, to the point where I always gave justifications for my actions, so people would understand me. So much so my mother had a regular phrase: “Stop justifying yourself and just accept what is!”

I may never understand why people don’t like me, but I can increase the amount of tolerance I have for being misunderstood.

For example, my cousins may not like me, but I have a loving, supportive husband who adores me, a son who prefers spending time with me, and friends who enjoy my sense of humor and companionship.

It also relates to my belief, that just because you’re blood, doesn’t make you family. And I’m no longer going to give those who reject me power by needing their approval. It’s their loss that they choose not to know the real me, because I am pretty damn awesome! And so are you!

I hope this helped you realize that not everyone is going to love you, and that’s okay, as long as you love yourself. Life will keep those around who deserve you as long as you know what you deserve first.

Here’s to a new year and starting a new, healthy mindset.

One question to ask when someone doesn’t like you, Anna Akana, January 18, 2021

Family Dance Parties – The Best Cure for All

Aloha Friends,

Lately, my son has reverted back to the clingy-and-moody stage, where he wakes up from his naps screaming and sticks to me like an opihi (a limpet found near the ocean shore that clings to rocks. In Hawaiʻi people jokingly call things that “stick” or “cling” to something, an opihi).

I can barely complete any task or chore as he sticks to me like glue. This first happened when he was an infant, which was right around the time the movie “The Greatest Showman” with Hugh Jackman came out. It’s basically an underdog story about a circus group, their ringmaster, members, and the stereotypes, discriminations, and trials and tribulations they overcome — I absolutely love it!

One day in order to calm my son, I turned the soundtrack on and began dancing with him. He immediately started to giggle, clap, and laugh, and within a few minutes he was completely content playing by himself. I was finally able to finish any household tasks baby-free!

So whenever he’s down in the dumps, or I am, whether spiritually, or due to life drama, one thing I do that works like a charm is either watching this movie, or having a dance party. My son has a signature dance: which basically is him bending down with his butt out, while stomping his feet, and clapping his hands, all with a huge smile on his face. It makes my heart laugh every single time.

The dance party is not always with “The Greatest Showman” soundtrack. It may be whatever is on my “favorites” playlist at the moment. However, it definitely gets me out of my funk, gives me some much needed exercise and gets my energy moving.

Hope you will give it a try. And if you have not already done so, I highly recommend “The Greatest Showman” for your next movie night. I believe it’s available right now on Disney+. I promise it will cure any stagnant energy, and make you feel like YOU again.

P.S. Some of our favorites from “The Greatest Showman” are —

“Come Alive”

“The Other Side”

“This Is Me” (This is the one my son starts to stomp to! Definitely our anthem!)

“From Now On” (You gotta wait a bit for this one to kick in…soo good!)

“The Greatest Show (Reprise)”

Enjoy and happy dancing!

I’m a Mom Now!

Aloha Friends,

As stated in my last post, a wonderful and extraordinary thing happened to me in June 2018. I’m sure you can guess where I’m going with this based on the image above and the title, but it was one of the best news I received in my entire life!

The truth is, I was scared I wasn’t going to be able to have any children. I had a medical condition, although not serious, I was nauseous, with digestive issues daily. It prevented me from being around people. I felt isolated, alone, rejected, and depressed.

Then my digestive issues became worse and for peace of mind I took a pregnancy test – and it was positive!

I made an appointment that very week which confirmed it, and two trimesters later my healthy baby boy was born in late 2018.

Being a mother is one of the best feelings in the world. All the mushy stuff they tell you is true, you will never love someone so much even though you have just met. And it is so easy to just watch your baby for hours in complete bliss. Until they reach their terrific twos, but that’s another story for another time…

I guess the point of this blog is, to never lose hope.

To always have faith that the next step will be the final step that takes you to the top of the mountain.

However, I am still climbing. My son was a lovely surprise, but my journey is still going.

I’m hoping to share with you what I’ve learned these past two years. I’m still trekking, but hopefully we can do it together.

P.S. The “selfie” or “footsie” was taken by my son. I don’t know how, but he even chose the filter. He loves camera phones and is always trying to take pictures. Even though I can’t see his face I save most of them to show him one day.